This morning, I caught the sun.
I even have proof of it.
But let me explain how I even got to this point.
I have three days left of summer. Three. And Sunday hardly even counts because, well, it's a Sunday. So anyway, it's the end of summer, three days away from the last first day as an undergraduate, and I'm up late thinking about the people in my life.
So I decide to open the Facebook app on my phone and stalk those people (mostly because I miss them and I want to see what they've been up to without actually asking them). After an hour of doing so, I find myself stuck on one particular page. I was thumb deep, like 2010 deep. And then, as these things usually happen in my life, I accidentally like a post on the page. It wouldn't have been so terrible, but this person and I haven't really spoken in awhile (which is weird for us--but that's a different story) and it was a post that one of his friends placed on his Facebook wall with inappropriate words in it, and it was awkward. It had nothing to do with me.
I accidentally liked it. My heart raced. I unliked it. But my thumb re-tapped it. I unliked it again. I felt like I might puke. I almost did. I exited out of the app and cursed wifi.
He and whoever she was would definitely receive a notification. No doubt about it.
I was embarrassed. It was almost two in the morning and I couldn't live with the guilt. Crap, I thought. He knows I've been on his page!
What was I supposed to do?! I couldn't sleep at that point. And the cat I was with wasn't very simpatico. I prayed that God would take favor on me, and somehow, the notification wouldn't be there anymore. But Facebook is notorious for notifications. It's the reason it even exists--well, not really, stalking your friends is the reason it exists.
So in the midst of my freak out, I decided to see the sun rise.
I thought, you know what, if I'm going to beat myself up about this one, I better even it out with something I've never done before. The thing is, no one told me that a sunrise is just a reverse sunset.
Not that it wasn't cool, it was breathtaking.
But it reminded me of those people again, him, in particular. It reminded me of our friendship and how it was currently non-existent. We'd somehow become that friendship that the both of us hated. We were ignoring each other instead of facing whatever it was that bothered us. We had spent many moon-rises together, and here I was, catching the sun, but praying for a sunset I'd already seen before, praying for a sunset where him and I were still in a friendship that mattered.
And still, so vividly, I can see us, under the stars, at the barnshow, with me asking: "Will you be my friend again?" And you saying yes, and smiling at me like I was ridiculous. Because I was. I am.
Though it was only three months ago, and we're still a couple of twenty-year-olds, and we fixed things just to break them, I so eagerly want to ask you to be my friend again. But I can't. It might not be how it was. And I'll forever be another face in the crowd, singing along to the prodigious lyrics you wrote. And you'll stumble upon a new wishing well where you'll spend all your time throwing in prayers and brown coins.
To see the video that encouraged me to stalk my late friend on the FB, click here.
*And no, he's not dead, just to clear that up.